The Angry Clam by Erik Quisling

Soon after I had moved into a one-bedroom apartment in Oakland, I threw a housewarming party. My apartment was on the third floor of a four-story building, halfway down a hallway. The floor plan was as equally uninspired as every other 1960’s apartment complex unit, with a kitchenette opening onto a small dining area, beige carpeting, and beige mini-blinds. A futon was the centerpiece of the living room, and every other piece of furniture came from IKEA, including the two tall bookcases in one corner of the main room.

My parties don’t tend to be particularly large or rowdy. I don’t have that many friends I guess, and those I have are not particularly crazy. There were probably enough people in my apartment that evening to fill the futon, the kitchen area, and the folding chairs I set up. Everyone had a drink, but things were pretty low-key.

Surprisingly, there were people in my apartment I did not recognize. One of my friends had brought two other friends, who sat side by side quietly without saying much all evening. As the night wound down, they were still there, waiting for their friend to get going.

Now that I was able to sit down and relax, the woman I did not know leaned toward me and said, “You know, I was a little worried about this whole thing until I found this.” She held up The Angry Clam by Erik Quisling. “When I read this, I knew you were cool.”

The Angry Clam is a brilliantly illustrated story about a clam on a personal journey of self-discovery. "Brilliantly", in this case, means that every page depicts the same, hand-drawn shape that represents our heroic mollusk from the heights of self-awareness to the depths of existential angst. Underneath this illustration, the angry clam’s saga unfolds, including some of my favorite quotes from all of literature.

“So wrought with hostility the angry clam plots the destruction of the earth.”

“Foiled by an utter lack of imagination, the clam decides to lie still. His day would come.”

“Feeling betrayed by this preconceived ideology, the angry clam writhes in disgust at the philosophy’s lack of tangibility.”

“So filled with anxiety, the angry clam finds himself frozen in a shell of self-pity.”

Yes! That woman, who I had never met before and have never seen since, got it just right. I am cool because I own this book, and find the dry, intellectual humor in it hilarious. That I think this is a brilliant work of art makes me cool. Even if I don’t have that many friends and can’t throw a party worth a damn. I’m cool. That’s me. Yup.

The Angry Clam by Erik Quisling

Tags: book+reviews funny+books angst mollusks Erik+Quisling